Never Forgotten

August 4, 2010

Another soul’s inclination for despondency
falling silent to self
in wonder of Him.

For the despondent, every day brings trouble;
for the happy heart, life is a continual feast.
Proverbs 15:15

Your road led through the sea,
your pathway through the mighty waters—
a pathway no one knew was there!
Psalm 77: 20

Wedged. No escape.
A place no human thought would have allowed,
yet a platform to display His mercy & strength

with provision never forgotten.

Where unveiled eyes spill,
as a sent one declares to the weak one-s:
“You are the strongest man I know.”
Vessels see Him ~ prevailing.

“…yet not I but Christ lives in me…”
Galatians 2:20

My soul, wait only upon God
and silently submit to Him;
for my hope and expectation are from Him.
He only is my Rock and my Salvation;
He is my Defense and my Fortress,
I shall not be moved.

With God rests my salvation and my glory;
He is my Rock of unyielding strength
and impenetrable hardness,
and my refuge is in God!
Psalm  62: 5-7

“Fear not [there is nothing to fear],
for I am with you; … for I am your God.
I will strengthen and harden you to difficulties,
yes, I will help you; …”
Isaiah 41:10

This moment has fruit & provision of it’s own.
Finding Him in each place, knowing
He is communicating.

Day after day pours forth speech,
and night after night shows forth knowledge.
Psalm 19:2

Allowing gratitude to turn natural
inclination while Word lifts
spirit from dust.
He has. He will.
Be.
Refuge. Strength. Provision.

“…Lord, to whom shall we go?
You have the words
(the message) of eternal life.”
John 6:68

“…he never left them
without evidence of himself and his goodness…”
Acts 14:17

“…she rejoices over the future

[the latter day or time to come,
knowing that she
and her family are in readiness for it]!”
Proverbs 31:25

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Sanctuary Sound.

June 4, 2010

Am i hearing
the sound of living water?

Upon awakening
our old pond friend
is halting his search.

No sound of living waters.

The switch turns on sanctuary’s sound
in the big red house.
The old friend stops
& turns.

Hearing.
Returning.
Snuggling…
into safety’s sound,
his eye’s calmly seen
under hosta leaf.

Sanctuary.
The place yearning is
accepted
& filled.

Good ear.
You heard.

Make me understand the way
of Your precepts;
so shall I meditate on
and talk of
Your wondrous works.
Psalm 119:27

You have compassed this mountain
long enough beloved
seeking accomplishment
in an enclosed circle.
You need not compass
it a moment longer.
Seek sanctuary.

Someth-ing Summer

May 31, 2010

The strapping strong
fun loving father
with sons loving
life with ‘Dad’.

Every day [with its new reasons]
will I bless You

[affectionately and gratefully praise You];
yes, I will praise Your name
forever and ever.
Psalm 145:2

The son born second,
soon to be 20,
faces life ripping
& requiring him
to let go
of his stallion ‘Dad’
at 17.
The caring for the
shadow of ‘Dad’,
watching the stallion
respond to life as lamb
in all acceptance & patience
& gentleness,
bears an eternal fruit.
A 2 year letting go
enables a now taking
in of something eternal.
The saving of a soul
is good even
among the depths
of sorrowing
& releasing.


The vivid
reminder of brimming
elder son’s eyes,
cracking the mother
wide open, speaking
where is ‘Dad’
yet recognizing
some glimpses here
& there.
The yes
& no-ing
to opportunity-s
of adventure thus
bearing the fruit of an
anointed calling
& broadening shoulders
above a deepening well
of character
& kindness
is beautiful.

“Something beautiful.
Something good.
All my confusion
He understood.
All I had to offer Him
was brokenness
& strife
but He made
something beautiful
of my life.”

The redemptive words
that brought
this mother to her knees
in summer
35  years ago,
still standing true
as summer
begins
again.

Return

May 27, 2010

A drop in visit
within
from the Word
upon awakening.
Easily heard
& needed.

“And there shall be
stability in your times…”
Isaiah 33:6

A pop in visit
from our old faded
shelled pond friend.

Easily spotted by his
bouncy – bumpy
3 legged gait.
Slowly carefully
taking in another
summer at our place.

Search for ‘Me’ this day.

Take courage.
Be confident.
Certain.
Undaunted.

Seek
inquire for
& require
‘My’ presence.

Yet, the Lord will command
His loving-kindness
in the daytime,
and in the night
His song shall be with me,
a prayer to the God
of my life.
Psalm 42:8

Well then…

May 21, 2010

“ A man should go
where he won’t be tempted.”
{Movie – A Man For All Seasons}

For me…in this season…
i know where i am tempted.
I am tempted to lose hope.
Living in the seen…is how it plays out.
Lack of trusting anticipation…is how it feels.

“…For how can one hope for what he already sees?
But if we hope for what is still unseen by us,
we wait for it with patience and composure.”
Romans 8:24. 25

Hope that is seen should not be called
…hope.
Perhaps this is temptation’s root…
anticipating & trusting only the seen.
Surroundings.
Circumstances.
Plans.

The place i will not be tempted:
engaging my mind around
His controlling
when i can not see
…what’s ahead.

Precisely.
What to do with the seen?
The now.

Trust…i am living in His will.
Laugh…a faithful letting go.
Move…my lips aloud in praise.

May the God of your hope
so fill you with all joy
and peace in believing
[through the experience of your faith]
that by the power of the Holy Spirit
you may abound
and be overflowing
(bubbling over)
with hope.
Romans 15:13

Understand this…
i do not.
Yet

God is making this
have meaning.

He who did not withhold
or spare even His own Son
but gave Him up for us all,
will He not also with Him freely
and graciously give us
all other things?
Romans 8:32

The ultimate Hope.

Beloved, now are we the sons of God,
and it doth not yet appear
what we shall be:
but we know that,
when he shall appear,
we shall be like Him;
for we shall see Him
as He is.
I John 3:2

Thinkin’

May 15, 2010

Just a little strugglin’
goin’ on ‘round here.
It’s been
2 years of saturdays…

with my limited perspective
& creatvity,
thinkin’ things
would be lookin’
differently.

No matter.
N
othin’ can make His Word
untrue
& who am i anyway
to be thinkin’ i know
just how life should look.

Casting the whole of your care
[all your anxieties, all your worries,
all your concerns, once and for all]
on Him,
for He cares for you affectionately
and cares about you watchfully.
I Peter 5:7

Oh…just to be
abidin’ in Him
un-offended by
His way.

And blessed
(happy, fortunate, and to be envied)
is he who takes no offense at Me
and finds no cause for stumbling
in or through Me
and is not hindered
from seeing the Truth.
Matthew 11:6

The daily moments
are teachin’ me
& uncoverin’
a whisperin’ peaceful picture.

“…He will never allow the righteous to be moved.”
Psalm 55:22

Doin’ it for Him.
Dwellin’ with Him.
A rememberin’  that growin’ opportunities
are those lettin’ go opportunities.
The openin’ of the hand
with the promise of enablin’.

“…a way out, by enabling you to sustain it.”
I Corinthians 10:13

A livin’ connected to His limitless resources
in a trustin’ dependence.
never warranted in feelin’
sor
ry for me
& owin’
what is true:
His love for me is limitless.
His will is always love.

“…Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love:
therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee.”
Jeremiah 31:3

A Place

May 4, 2010

it would be fun
to serve up
something
cute
light to the touch

nonetheless
i simply pour out
the ‘manna’
of the moment
when
lips & actions were
held tightly…
heart numb.

“How long…

How long must I lay up cares
within me

and have sorrow in my heart
day after day…

Consider and answer me,
O Lord my God:


lighten the eyes
of my faith
to behold Your face…

I have trusted,
leaned on,
and been confident
in Your mercy
and loving-kindness;

my heart shall rejoice
and be in high spirits
in Your salvation.

I will sing to the Lord,
because
He has dealt
bountifully
with me.”
Psalm 13

Warm tears.
Release.

“He makes my feet like hinds’ feet
and will make me to walk…
and make spiritual progress
upon my high places of
…responsibility!”
Habakkuk 3:19

Somewhere.

April 30, 2010

He gives power to the faint and weary,
and to him who has no might He increases strength
causing it to multiply and making it to abound. Isaiah 40:29

God sees the end of the thing from the beginning.

Declaring the end from the beginning, and from ancient times
the things that are not yet done, saying, My counsel shall stand,
and I will do all my pleasure. Isaiah 46:10

Somewhere close to the beginning

…upon bringing him home after 75 days of acute hospital care
with everything experienced
unknown.
Journal…ed words from the heart.


May I enjoy life just as you give it to me.
Make me a beautiful soul serving Jesus out of acts of love.
…even in the ordinary, unpoetic life,
with its wear and tear. {BRS}

The days are too long…lonely…slow.
Transition.
Bear with me Lord.
The complexity of it all is ever a reminder of where I am
and how far we have to go.
Protect me from the memories.
May I look before & leave gracefully the thoughts
of the life I adore…d.
Allow me to stand this ground
and make you proud. {BRS}


They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb…
they did not love their lives as much
as to shrink from death.  Revelation 12:11
Rise.
Face circumstances of God’s  providential placing.
The difficult unseen places deep within the soul
only Jesus sees.
The unmentioned.
An explosion of the heart. {BRS}

Somewhere after the beginning

There hath no temptation taken you
but such as is common to man:
but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted
above that ye are able;
but will with the temptation also make a way to escape,
that ye may be able to bear it. I Corinthians  10:13
Claiming I will not be tempted to run
away…
or
doubt
“…all things work together and are fitting into a plan for good…”
Romans 8:28
The temptation to settle for the visible things. {BRS}

“You take care of him. I will take care of you.”
i heard.

Somewhere farther from the beginning

I love the Lord, because He has heard and now hears
my voice and my supplication.

Because He has inclined His ear to me
therefore will I call upon Him as long as I live.

The cords and sorrows of death were around me…
I suffered anguish and grief trouble and sorrow.

Then called I upon the name of the Lord:
O Lord, I beseech You, save my life and deliver me.

Gracious is the Lord and rigidly righteous;
yes, our God is merciful.

The Lord preserves the simple;
I was brought low,
and He helped and saved me.

Return to your rest, O my soul,
for the Lord has dealt bountifully with you.

I will walk before the Lord in the land of the living.

I believed trusted in, relied on and clung to my God
and therefore have I spoken even when I said I am greatly afflicted.

What shall I render to the Lord for all His benefits toward me?
How can I repay Him for all His bountiful dealings?

I will lift up the cup of salvation and deliverance
and call on the name of the Lord. Psalm 116:1-12

I will offer to You the sacrifice of thanksgiving
and will call on the name of the Lord. Psalm 116:17

…if displeasure is not pleasure but pain,
then one must agree it can dispirit the heart…
let it go…slip out of mind…turn to a Truth
that brings pleasure & fasten thoughts there…

“Hold thee still in the Lord and abide patiently…”  Psalm 37:5

Somewhere just behind the present

The well worn path of excessive
trying to figure it all out
is simply rooted in being afraid
to trust.
Relying upon God is like the stitching up of a seam.
A bonding.
Me bonded to God by trusting.
Simple.
Accept…wrestle…no longer.
Disappointed.
Yes.
Bitter.
No.
Trust the power of  the Word. {BRS}

Somewhere close

i “Cry Aloud, spare not…
Yet they seek, inquire for, and require Me daily
and delight to know My ways…”
Isaiah 58:1, 2

Within & Without

April 26, 2010

Thy Word
a window.

Revealing what is within & what is without.
Shedding light.

“Uphold me according unto Thy Word, that I may live…” Psalm 119:116

Revealing…come what may.

Awakened in the night with
such clarity
such comfort.
Be merciful unto me, O God, be merciful unto me:
for my soul trusteth in thee:
yea, in the shadow of thy wings will I make my refuge,
until these calamities be overpast. Psalm 57:1
Repeated. Repeated. Repeated.
All so true.
Yet that last phrase

“…until these calamities overpast.”

…and the anticipation of those things unseen.
…and to not awaken to a grief I can actually hear inside.
Audible words cut into the dark quiet air.
Yes…Thank you.
A simple response affirming trust
within circumstances.
Yet the
without has not “overpast”.

“What else to do when the landscape changes?
When all mirrors tilt?”
{Peace Like A River. Lief Enger. “Peeking at Eternity”.}

“Let be and be still, and know that I am God…” Psalm 46:10

Thy Word
a window.

Truth revealed within.

Like Alfalfa.

April 23, 2010

My moisture does not evaporate.

But I am like a green olive tree in the house of God;
I trust in and confidently rely on the loving-kindness
and the mercy of God forever and ever. Psalm 52:8

Fast. Loud. Free.
A tractor ride with willing son to a nearby field
outlined by wild rich alfalfa.

Strong busy arms take the time

for another.

Hungry horses unknowingly wait for something
lush, moist & green.

Of course, not recognizing their need
until

placed freely before them.

Then fed.

So like God.

Yet I taught Ephraim to walk, taking them by their arms
or taking them up in My arms,
but they did not know that I healed them.
I drew them with cords of a man, with bands of love,
and I was to them as one who lifts up
and eases the yoke over their cheeks,
and I bent down to them
and gently laid food before them. Hosea 11:3, 4

Us…picking wild alfalfa…once…together.

Thank you Son for taking your mother.
My stallion finding joy knowing I went out…
Still thinking of me.

God too expresses kindnesses toward me.
Yes even now.
I  am
watching & allowing  God to orchestrate the events of the day,
with my mind spinning less,
preoccupied with less planning;
which can emerge as an idol
of control
easily recognized by a word.
Yoke.
I am
going on…in simplicity.
Walking not considering how to walk…
Running not considering how to run…
lest I get stuck
in a ditch.
Tasting contentment in the unknown with His easing of the load.
Abundantly satisfied although…a hurting.
A double life found true only by casting all upon Him.

More kindnesses.
More of my favorites

join the feeding fun.

My moisture does not evaporate.
Fed by His rich free nourishing presence & kindnesses.
Like Alfalfa.
Why am I surprised when fed.
So rich. So simple.

While

April 21, 2010

A growing out of
who i was
&
who we were
into
who i am
&
who we are…
in Him.


Past life muzzled & hushed,


possessing the present
immediately.


“…I will strengthen and harden you to difficulties…” Isaiah 41:10
Isaiah 41:10
“Nevertheless I am continually with You;  You do hold my right hand.”
Psalm 73:23


Giving Jesus access to this place,
while writing becomes prayer.

Where is My Yes

April 15, 2010

Am I

letting life pointlessly loom larger than His power within,
denying the grit He gives to do the next thing,
forgetting the one thing that is ask of me – gratitude.

This too is sin.

The temptation to say no…not this.

Seek, inquire of and for the Lord, and crave Him and His strength (His might and inflexibility to temptation); seek and require His face and His presence  ever more. Psalm 105:4

Then can you lift up your face to Him without stain; yes, you shall be steadfast and secure; you shall not fear. Job 11:15

Oh…so…no
…is failure to rest securely in my life…in Him.

I too possess  “His might and inflexibility to temptation”.

I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I that live, but Christ living in me: and that life which I now live in the flesh I live in faith, the faith which is in the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself up for me. Galations 2:20


Behold, God, my salvation! I will trust and not be afraid, for the Lord God is my strength and song; yes, He has become my salvation. Isaiah 12:2

For the Son of God, Jesus Christ, who was preached among you by me and Silas and Timothy, was not “Yes” and “No,” but in him it has always been “Yes.” II Corinthians 1:19

The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; yes, I have a good heritage. Psalm 16:6

“…I will sing, yes, I will sing praises to the Lord.” Psalm 27:6

“ …yes, I will sing aloud of Your mercy and loving-kindness in the morning…” Psalm 59:16

Yes, the Lord will give what is good…” Psalm 85:12

“ …They said to Him, Yes, Lord.” Matthew 13:51

“ …Yes, Father, for such was Your gracious will and choice and good pleasure.” Luke 10:21

For as many as are the promises of God, they all find their Yes in Him. For this reason we also utter the Amen to God through Him to the glory of God. II Corinthians 1:20

Where is my yes…

a life lived in Yes…
found in Him.

As

April 13, 2010

As i
sing…
trust…
because i must.
As i lean.
Hard.

The road  gets smoother
as
He calls into existence the things that do not exist.
As
the chipping away of everything that is not Jesus
occurs.

As
the prayers rise
may i not mar this work
may i not resent the chisel.
As
i love because what’s inside of me.
Jesus.

As
my joy is tempered with a breaking heart.
“I am telling the truth in Christ … that I have great sorrow
and unceasing grief in my heart.” {Romans 9: 1-2}
as i
“Rejoice in the Lord …” {Philippians 4:4}

As i
am totally dependent upon
Him.

The First

April 9, 2010


“God stirs up our comfortable nests, and pushes us over the edge of them, and we are forced to use our wings to save ourselves from fatal falling. Read your trials in this light, and see if your wings are being developed.” Hannah Whitall Smith



…on May 17, 2008…everything changed.

A massive brain hemorrhage, where only 2% live to tell it…

My sanguine stallion reduced to a mere shadow of himself.

The once life of the party…subdued.

The influential father of our sons…uninvolved.

The one we always depended on…dependent.

The one giving constant attention…requiring constant attention.

The passionate devotion…passive.

The laughter, fun & life to the fullest…silent.

The priceless many terms of endearment…not needed.

The man who knew every bit of trivia and news worthy topic, thus possessing an opinion about everything…quiet.

Mr. Action…no incentive.

Mr. Phone Call; I will track you down and find you…zero phone calls, unless prompted.

The one giving all his attentions…requiring all attention.

The man who had to be the first and fastest to arrive…not even caring when we get there.

The man who had devoted all to us…needing us to devote all to him.

Our daily lives of 24/7 care giving… a constant reminder of just what and who we have lost.

His sons eyes of deep loss…


Seeing my beloved so utterly helpless…slowly methodically returning to life.

…the relearning of most everything.

Strength upon strength returning by insufferable – incremental – degrees.

Nothing of the old life…experienced…absolutely nothing.

Ahhh! but there is Hope. Constant HOPE in the daily…absolutely necessary!

“…Your hope will not be cut off.” Proverbs 23:18

…then the discovery of my dependence or even perhaps addiction to the good life we had together.

My identity…us…together…soon to be 30 years…a crazy in love “true companionship” existence.

“The finding of my needle in the hay…”

“The power of love: cause I am your lady and you are my man whenever you reach for me I’ll do all that I can.”

Thus began our secret chamber of isolation and prayer, with God building a mysterious wall around us. All the supports and memories of the good life, we normally leaned upon…taken away. Our ordinary ways of doing things…removed. A closing off to something divine, unable to be understood by examining our previous life…before. A place where we do not know what is happening…a new normal…a new rhythm …distinctly isolated to God as He holds us and deals with us. EVERY expectation coming from Him.

A deeper understanding surfaces: Difficult trials bring the sweetest discoveries.

…heard that before

ahh!

clearer now.

This…a new life emerging? An ever reverent realization that God Almighty is here among us, hearing each numbered cry aloud…always providing…always.

Hush…a respectful tiptoeing occurs in the duty of it all…the day is holy. A glimmer ahead…on that uncertain horizon…an anticipation of our new life.

The new man emerging and the question is ask…with an answer…attempted.

Acceptance?

No looking back…only forward.

Peace.

Gratitude expressed for each of the man’s baby steps.

…and look, kind-hearted before…the sweetest kindest…not ONE complaint man…patiently waiting on His God.

Joy found in witnessing our sons…broadening…shoulders.

The “grit” for us all…only God can give.

God’s people…family…friends.

…the love & prayers.

A continuing deepening of reliance on God’s provision and life sustaining Word.

Is that laughter returning to the empty rafters?

Is the spark returning to the man’s eye?

Is it all a little easier?

“…Yet it is I who taught…to walk, I took them in My arms…I led them with cords of a man, with bonds of love. I became to them one who lifts the yoke…I bent down and fed them.” Hosea 11:3,4

There is life…without this being fixed.

Pick up the memories
pack them snugly in a grateful place
like long ago china
precious
&
treasured.

Hope…the power of that stone rolled away.

A new life.


This is us now.


Raised

April 9, 2010

The rending to pieces will be raised.

“ … it was so that the works of God might be displayed in him.” John 9:3

“ … our appointed lot. I Thes. 3:3

“… we have been destined for this.”  I Thes. 3:3

There is life without this being fixed.

Prayed away.

Not always.

Walk with Him.

“ … Who opens and no one shall shut, Who shuts and no one shall open.” Rev. 3:7

“… entrust their souls to a faithful Creator in doing what is right.”I Peter 4:19

By accepting that this is difficult,

the difficulty diminishes when speaking

I trust You Jesus.